Ever find yourself in the middle of a brawl and thought, "This is great, but you know what would make it better? Probably wheels."
Then you probably already know and love roller derby.
But long before you take a quad skate to the face, the real bloodsport begins on the roster.
Christen your inner wrecking ball and make your feminine rage fashion with flat track-ready alter egos such as:
Oxford Commakaze
Crimes New Roman
Sylvia Wrath
Mary Choppins
Mad Splatter
Harlot Oscara
Scarlet Ohurtya
Trauma Queen
De-claire-ation of War
Killbo Baggins
Skate Winslet
Sherlock Bones
Rosie the Ruiner
Intoxiskate
S Scar Go
Skate Hudson
Beverly Killbilly
Crème Bru Slay
Soviet Block
Audrey Deathburn
Vladimir Naboobkov
Helen Wheels
Magnum P.I.M.P.
Ophelia Melons
Menstrual Psycho
Susan B. Agony
Punchy Bruiser
Ivannah Shankabitch
Tackleberry Finn
Jalapeno Business
Eat My Poussiere
Naomi Cannibal
Pop-Up Blocker
Queen Loseyateefa
Torah Hymenov
Queefer Sutherland
Assault n' Peppa
Dahmernatrix
Tess LaCoil
Correctional Felicity
Gore-ticia Addams
Val Halla
Blood Drawer
Morgue Anna
Hit and Run
Luna Shovegood
Pippi Longstompings
Alice in Wounderland
Breakless Endangerment
Robin Drugstores
Donna Matrix
Urine Trouble
Roll v. Wade
IShove Lucy
Lucille Brawl
Scratcher in the Eye
Grievous Bodily Charm
Brutalitaur Rex
Meanhattan
Big Rig
God Jammit
Cap'n Crush
Nasty Pelosi
Hermione Danger
Penny Tration
Sandra Day O'Clobber
Tequila Mockingbird
Kill Slaw
Nicole Plated
Bacon Ate Her
Madd Maxxine
Themme Fatale
Gremlynn
Carmen Monoxide
Pain Eyre
Terrorizer (or Tarrorizer, if that’s how you spell your name)
Rainbow Smite
April Plowers
Graze My Anatomy
Tornado Ally (or however you spell it)
Slayinhoes Right
Blood Mary
Meg for Mercy
Kimical Burn
Draculaura
Toxic Shock
Tyler Burden
Cole Hearted
Sister Slaughter
Lady MacDeath
Brawllipop
Tequ-kill-ya (I’m sure there’s a better spelling)
AnnaManiac
Tall Order / Short Stack
Ronald Ragin’
Brawllipop
Infernal Myrtle
Crush Limbaugh
Smack Ops
Artillery Clinton
(To be continued...)